Thursday, September 15, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
A Mother's Love
This post will not be a typical post where I talk about how the Payne's life is going and fill it with pictures of Colleen and/or Cambryn. This post is about reflection. This weekend is Mother's Day and I don't know why, I just felt the need to express some things that have been running through my head lately. First, let me start by saying I know there are some people that although they may love children, just have no desire to have any children of their own. That is fine, absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, then there are those who just have this desire, a longing you could say, to be a mother. I knew from a very young age, I wanted to be a mom. I have always loved kids and wanted them. I had always envisioned myself with a child around the age of 25 or so, but that was not the case. However, before I get into that, I just have some other things I just feel like I should share.
Earlier this week on facebook, I posted about two women that I had recently learned a little more about. I will go into more details about each of those women now and how lucky I am to have met them. The first one, we can call K, has a very sweet and I must add handsome, young 4 year old son (well, he will be 4 next Friday!) - who goes to school with Colleen and just happens to think she is super cute!! I knew who this mom was for a little while, but never really spoke to her other than a passing Hi and smile when dropping off the kids at school. Plus, we see each other at church every week. Last week, we got an invite to her son's birthday party. I spoke to her briefly at church regarding the party and something told me to "friend" her on facebook (that crazy facebook!). Throughout that afternoon and the next day, we ended up sending messages back and forth through facebook that started off about work, but took a turn to family. Throughout the messages, I found out the K had donated 18 eggs to other women to help other women become mothers. K told me she had a little boy and wanted other women to experience that joy as well. It started off actually with a friend having fertility troubles and using an egg donor was an option and after seeing the joy the friend had, K decided she should give that joy to other women. During this time, she had to take alot of hormones. She didn't realize until after she had donated 18 (which is the max you can donate) that the hormones had taken quite a toll on her body. She has come to the conclusion that the precious boy she has will most likely be her one and only. I really had to think about the sacrifice she made in not being able to have other children just so other women could. How selfless can you be? She is an angel to so many other women. I am not sure she sees herself as an angel, but I bet there are quite a few women who do.
Another women I got to know this week has a little bit different story. She didn't help women become a mother...she became a mother to one special little boy. We will call her A. I will be honest and say I do not have all the details. Many came during a sporting event, so I did not catch them all - but what I do know still sticks in my mind. A did not just adopt any child...she adopted a 6 year old child with special needs (4 conditions that include such things as autism) and who had been in and out of I think I heard 13 homes. Being in and out that many foster homes is a big enough struggle, but then you tack on the 4 conditions and this women has given up her freedom and is tackling a challenge that not many would...we can say for sure at least 12 refused the challenge. She knew this child would not only have the issues of being in and out of so many foster homes, but she knew this child had several medical conditions to deal with. But that didn't stop her from giving this child what all children desire...a mother who loves them with all their heart and will do anything for them. A is truly an angel to this little boy and should be commended for it. It takes one huge heart to take that one.
When thinking about these two women, there are not alot of women that would do what they have done. I will be honest and say I know it would be difficult for me to do either. Russell and I would really have to give alot of thought into it, but I don't know that I could have.
Russell and I had our own challenges with children. Not many people know that while trying to have a second child, I had to have a very large pre-cancerous polyp removed from my colon. We had been trying to conceive for about 6 months and I was really trying to avoid going to a doctor for this problem I was having, but it got pretty severe and I did not have a choice. I finally saw a specialist and had to have the ever-so-lovely colonoscopy. The doctor told us that the polyp was so large, if I would not have had it removed now, he had no doubt I would have had advanced colon cancer within 5-7 years. He also told me no doctor would believe the size of the polyp because of my age, so he gave me the lab results as proof. My life turned upside down at that time. I thought about Colleen and how I never wanted to miss anything she had. So, I was so thankful that I had finally gone to the doctor. I viewed that as God's way of telling me it was not time for us to have another child. It was at time also that I re-dedicated my life and really realized that I had to remember it is not my plan, but God's plan and he has full control over everything.
Several months later in October 2010, Russell and I had another setback and I miscarried. I found out on a Monday that we were expecting at the doctor's office that was meant to be a routine exam. Because we found out so early, the doctor's office wanted to do some blood work throughout that week, so I was to go back on Wednesday. I did that. At church that evening, I started loosing the baby. I broke down on the way home from church and called the doctor on call. Because I was so early, they could not do anything, but tell me to call first thing in the morning. So, I did and by that time, the doctor's office had gotten the blood work back and sure enough, they confirmed I was miscarrying and asked me to come in immediately. During that visit, the doctor did an ultrasound and found something that looked a little interesting and told me her thoughts, but needed a little more information from me. Over the next couple of days, I provided that to her for her to analyze. While I waited for a response from her, I thought and I thought, and I thought about what I had done over the last week trying to think if there was something I did that caused this. I blamed myself for it. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Finally, the doctor called back and what had happened was something I had no control over. It was my body and my hormones. The doctor called in a prescription and apparently her diagnosis was right on because we are not expecting our little Cambryn.
Several people know what has happened or they know bits and pieces, but it's during this time I felt the need to reflect and think about what women go through to become mothers. I have several friends who have struggled with fertility with one who had exhausted all options and was of the thought she would never experience the joy of pregnancy. It was pure by what she has defined a miracle, that she now has a precious 2 year old little girl. I now find humor in the fact that "men" determine the sex of the baby, but deep down, I know it is God who truly determines some of these things and it is his will. We should not focus on one gender or another...we should focus on the health of child. I know everyone may have a preference, but does gender truly matter. I don't care that I will have two girls, I care about the fact that God has blessed me with two healthy girls. Becoming a mother is a precious gift that God has blessed us with. I have finally realized I have little control over anything. With God in charge, I have no worries.
I will close this post now and thank K and A for coming into my life and sharing their stories with me. As Pastor Gary said last week, we need to embrace those changes that God places in our life. Thanks for reading.
Earlier this week on facebook, I posted about two women that I had recently learned a little more about. I will go into more details about each of those women now and how lucky I am to have met them. The first one, we can call K, has a very sweet and I must add handsome, young 4 year old son (well, he will be 4 next Friday!) - who goes to school with Colleen and just happens to think she is super cute!! I knew who this mom was for a little while, but never really spoke to her other than a passing Hi and smile when dropping off the kids at school. Plus, we see each other at church every week. Last week, we got an invite to her son's birthday party. I spoke to her briefly at church regarding the party and something told me to "friend" her on facebook (that crazy facebook!). Throughout that afternoon and the next day, we ended up sending messages back and forth through facebook that started off about work, but took a turn to family. Throughout the messages, I found out the K had donated 18 eggs to other women to help other women become mothers. K told me she had a little boy and wanted other women to experience that joy as well. It started off actually with a friend having fertility troubles and using an egg donor was an option and after seeing the joy the friend had, K decided she should give that joy to other women. During this time, she had to take alot of hormones. She didn't realize until after she had donated 18 (which is the max you can donate) that the hormones had taken quite a toll on her body. She has come to the conclusion that the precious boy she has will most likely be her one and only. I really had to think about the sacrifice she made in not being able to have other children just so other women could. How selfless can you be? She is an angel to so many other women. I am not sure she sees herself as an angel, but I bet there are quite a few women who do.
Another women I got to know this week has a little bit different story. She didn't help women become a mother...she became a mother to one special little boy. We will call her A. I will be honest and say I do not have all the details. Many came during a sporting event, so I did not catch them all - but what I do know still sticks in my mind. A did not just adopt any child...she adopted a 6 year old child with special needs (4 conditions that include such things as autism) and who had been in and out of I think I heard 13 homes. Being in and out that many foster homes is a big enough struggle, but then you tack on the 4 conditions and this women has given up her freedom and is tackling a challenge that not many would...we can say for sure at least 12 refused the challenge. She knew this child would not only have the issues of being in and out of so many foster homes, but she knew this child had several medical conditions to deal with. But that didn't stop her from giving this child what all children desire...a mother who loves them with all their heart and will do anything for them. A is truly an angel to this little boy and should be commended for it. It takes one huge heart to take that one.
When thinking about these two women, there are not alot of women that would do what they have done. I will be honest and say I know it would be difficult for me to do either. Russell and I would really have to give alot of thought into it, but I don't know that I could have.
Russell and I had our own challenges with children. Not many people know that while trying to have a second child, I had to have a very large pre-cancerous polyp removed from my colon. We had been trying to conceive for about 6 months and I was really trying to avoid going to a doctor for this problem I was having, but it got pretty severe and I did not have a choice. I finally saw a specialist and had to have the ever-so-lovely colonoscopy. The doctor told us that the polyp was so large, if I would not have had it removed now, he had no doubt I would have had advanced colon cancer within 5-7 years. He also told me no doctor would believe the size of the polyp because of my age, so he gave me the lab results as proof. My life turned upside down at that time. I thought about Colleen and how I never wanted to miss anything she had. So, I was so thankful that I had finally gone to the doctor. I viewed that as God's way of telling me it was not time for us to have another child. It was at time also that I re-dedicated my life and really realized that I had to remember it is not my plan, but God's plan and he has full control over everything.
Several months later in October 2010, Russell and I had another setback and I miscarried. I found out on a Monday that we were expecting at the doctor's office that was meant to be a routine exam. Because we found out so early, the doctor's office wanted to do some blood work throughout that week, so I was to go back on Wednesday. I did that. At church that evening, I started loosing the baby. I broke down on the way home from church and called the doctor on call. Because I was so early, they could not do anything, but tell me to call first thing in the morning. So, I did and by that time, the doctor's office had gotten the blood work back and sure enough, they confirmed I was miscarrying and asked me to come in immediately. During that visit, the doctor did an ultrasound and found something that looked a little interesting and told me her thoughts, but needed a little more information from me. Over the next couple of days, I provided that to her for her to analyze. While I waited for a response from her, I thought and I thought, and I thought about what I had done over the last week trying to think if there was something I did that caused this. I blamed myself for it. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Finally, the doctor called back and what had happened was something I had no control over. It was my body and my hormones. The doctor called in a prescription and apparently her diagnosis was right on because we are not expecting our little Cambryn.
Several people know what has happened or they know bits and pieces, but it's during this time I felt the need to reflect and think about what women go through to become mothers. I have several friends who have struggled with fertility with one who had exhausted all options and was of the thought she would never experience the joy of pregnancy. It was pure by what she has defined a miracle, that she now has a precious 2 year old little girl. I now find humor in the fact that "men" determine the sex of the baby, but deep down, I know it is God who truly determines some of these things and it is his will. We should not focus on one gender or another...we should focus on the health of child. I know everyone may have a preference, but does gender truly matter. I don't care that I will have two girls, I care about the fact that God has blessed me with two healthy girls. Becoming a mother is a precious gift that God has blessed us with. I have finally realized I have little control over anything. With God in charge, I have no worries.
I will close this post now and thank K and A for coming into my life and sharing their stories with me. As Pastor Gary said last week, we need to embrace those changes that God places in our life. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Let the T-Ball Begin!!
Since I mentioned Kayle, I found a picture of Kayle & Colleen that I just had to put together and make one picture out of! It was just too perfect not too!!
Now to the fun part! Below is a slideshow from the first t-ball game on 4-16-11! Enjoy!!
Soccer Season Comes to an End
Well, since it has been a few weeks since I posted last, soccer season has finished up. Colleen had a blast and watching her develop this season was a sight to see! One of the parents told me that she should be given the award for "Most Improved Player" because she has really become a strong player! I am posting the slideshows from her last two games and award ceremony below! Enjoy! I know I did!!
Pictures from game on 4-2-11
Pictures from game and awards on 4-9-11
Pictures from game on 4-2-11
Pictures from game and awards on 4-9-11
It's a.....................................GIRL!!!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
In my Granny's Honor
Many of you may know that on March 14, 2011, I lost my granny. My granny was a great woman who had a big heart. The last few years of her life was spent in a nursing home not know who anyone was. She suffered from Alzheimer's. My parents would go to visit her, and she may know who my dad (her son) was for a split second, but then forgot. She would then get upset for not knowing who he was. She could not eat or drink without assistance. In all honesty, I did not visit much over the last several years. Once I heard how bad her condition was, I didn't want to upset her or upset myself by seeing someone I cared for in a state like that. My memories of her were good and that's how I want it to stay. The picture below is possibly the last picture I have with her (which is from my wedding).
Look at how happy she looks! Isn't she beautiful. The handsome guy to the left of her is actually my Pappy, which I lost a couple of years ago. Such happiness in both of them. This is the way I want to remember them.
In honor of my granny and her condition, I am posting the website to the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org). Please look at this website and learns the signs of the condition and be aware of them.
I love you Granny and you will always be in my heart.
In honor of my granny and her condition, I am posting the website to the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org). Please look at this website and learns the signs of the condition and be aware of them.
I love you Granny and you will always be in my heart.
New Addition to the Family...and it's not the Baby!!
My Little Soccer Star
The first set of pictures is from March 12
The next set is from March 26 (today)
More to come soon!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Colleen Update
Her team is Seattle and the color is BRIGHT green!! The picture was taken with my cell phone and does not do the brightness of that green justice at all. Colleen seems to have grown so much since the fall! After soccer, she will be playing t-ball and is pretty excited about it too.
Stay tuned for more soccer updates and pictures!!
Baby Payne Update
Well, it has been two months since I last updated and that update was announcing our big news that the Payne Family is expanding. We have had a couple of doctor appointments since then and all is well with Baby Payne. The heartbeat is great. We have enjoyed getting to actually see Baby Payne through a couple of ultrasounds. I think I see a slight resemblance to it's Big Sister in one of these!!!
Colleen is still very excited about being a big sister! We can't wait to find out the gender of the baby so we can start calling it by a name!! We have that appointment scheduled for April 4 and we are SUPER EXCITED!! I will post the news and names at that time! In the meantime, make sure and check out the Gender Poll on the upper left part of the blog and vote on what you think Baby Payne is!!
Also, our doctor recommends some genetic testing for all her patients and one of the tests involved an ultrasound with a perinatal doctor. During that ultrasound, the technician switched to 3D mode for a few minutes and so we got a couple of 3D images of Baby Payne. These images were done at around 11 weeks, so to some people, they look a little scary! But to us, they are our little blessing!!
Colleen is still very excited about being a big sister! We can't wait to find out the gender of the baby so we can start calling it by a name!! We have that appointment scheduled for April 4 and we are SUPER EXCITED!! I will post the news and names at that time! In the meantime, make sure and check out the Gender Poll on the upper left part of the blog and vote on what you think Baby Payne is!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
On January 3, 2011, Russell and I received some wonderful news. We told Colleen and let her share it with the world!!
Yes, you heard that right...Colleen is going to be a BIG SISTER!!! Russell and I have been wanting a second child for a while now and after dealing with a couple of medical issues along the way, God has blessed us! We are all super excited about it. I am 7.5 weeks along and due around August 24, 2011. Please check back for more details as we get them. The next doctor's appointment is scheduled for February 4.
Also, for fun, I have placed a poll on the left hand side of the blog so you can take a guess at what the gender of the baby will be. Colleen says she is going to have a baby sister and Russell says it is a boy!! I can tell you that it has been confirmed that there is just ONE baby! Have fun and stay tuned!
Yes, you heard that right...Colleen is going to be a BIG SISTER!!! Russell and I have been wanting a second child for a while now and after dealing with a couple of medical issues along the way, God has blessed us! We are all super excited about it. I am 7.5 weeks along and due around August 24, 2011. Please check back for more details as we get them. The next doctor's appointment is scheduled for February 4.
Also, for fun, I have placed a poll on the left hand side of the blog so you can take a guess at what the gender of the baby will be. Colleen says she is going to have a baby sister and Russell says it is a boy!! I can tell you that it has been confirmed that there is just ONE baby! Have fun and stay tuned!
Christmas Time 2010
Below is a montage of Christmas pictures! ENJOY!
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